Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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