I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
