Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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