So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
