Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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