I'm pants shitting drunk right now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Green mimosas i think yes
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
