i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
