____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
