i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
