Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
