Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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