Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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