Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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