Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
