I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Mom said you looked used
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
