Having a random hookup so left but love u
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
