bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
