I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
