How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
