You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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