Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
