He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
