Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
