remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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