My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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