Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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