My liver just broke up with me...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
