I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
