butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
