never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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