dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
