She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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