i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
