It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
