Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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