"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
