does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
