so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
