He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
