we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
