put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
