I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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