I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
