dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
