At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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