If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
