You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
