where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
