I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
