I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
