Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
