Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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